OMGWTFBIBLE

A monthly podcast presenting a brand-new very very loose translation of the entire goddamn bible by David Tuchman

24.3: Names - Chapters 18-21


We know we just restarted Genesis in synagogue, but part 3 of episode 24 of OMGWTFBIBLE is out now! This week (a little late), Y-Love and David Tuchman get deep into Parshat Va’era, the second portion in Exodus, reading all sorts of wonderful, no-good, very bad plagues.

That’s right! This week, Moshe, everyone’s favorite desert wizard, unleashes all sorts of biological weirdness on the population of Egypt. And Egypt’s magicians do the same for some reason. Check it all out!

Note: Y-Love sang at the live show. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to record his music well enough to share online, so it’s been editing out of the podcast. All the more reason to come to the live show. You never know what you’ll miss!

Get more at www.omgwtfbible.com, www.twitter.com/omgwtfbible, and www.facebook.com/omgbible


A new OMGWTFBIBLE now available!

Live from Right Here, it’s OMGWTFBIBLE!

Live from Right Here, it’s OMGWTFBIBLE!

If you just read the article on OMGWTFBIBLE in the Times of Israel and are looking for my versions of Torah stories “with a hearty dose of cynicism, humor and wit,” you’re in the right place! Welcome! You can listen by heading to the iTunes store or right here in this blog post. If you’re a completist, I suggest you start at the beginning, with Genesis. You can do that in the Episodessection of…

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24.2: Names - Chapters 14-17


Things actually happen this time around, we promise! As a pre-Sukkot treat, part 2 of episode 24 of OMGWTFBIBLE is available early! This time around, Y-Love and David Tuchman finally get to the parts in Parshat Vaera, the second portion in Exodus, that matter: Moshes magic tricks. 

And with them come all sorts of questions. What exactly does Moshes staff turn into? Is Moshe a wizard? How many Harry Potter references can we fit into a single podcast? Don’t not listen!

Note: Y-Love sang at the live show. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to record his music well enough to share it online, so it’s been edited out of the podcast. All the more reason to come to the live show if you live in New York. You never know what you’ll miss!

Get more at www.omgwtfbible.com, www.twitter.com/omgwtfbible, and www.facebook.com/omgbible


A new OMGWTFBIBLE now available!

Here’s the nice stuff I said last week, rewritten a little!

Tomorrow, Yom Kippur, is about repentance and forgiveness. Jews don’t eat, drink, bathe, screw, or wear leather (for some reason). For a day, we ignore our bodily needs and reflect. On who we’ve been in the past year and who we plan to be. And beg God to let us live.

Yom Kippur, along with Rosh Hashana, sticks out to me because they’re the only Jewish holidays that are just about YOU. Sukkot is about God protecting the Jews in the desert. Chanukah and Purim are about staying alive. Pesach is the Exodus. Shavuot is God giving the Torah. But Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashana are about YOU. What have you, personally, done in the past year? How will you repent for what you’ve done?

How will you forgive what’s been done to you?

Close your eyes for a moment (I’ll wait). When you do, don’t try to think. Don’t try to do anything. Just focus on what you see and hear.

Back? Good. 

I believe what you experienced is all we really are. A speck of consciousness in the dark. Everything else is external forces, stimuli. Right now, you senses are being bombarded. By colors, sights, sounds, images. The speck that is you has learned to make sense of it all. You’ve learned to talk, to communicate with other specks, to do enough to feed your body and keep the speck going. You stimulate the speck. It learns complex ideas, forms thoughts of its own. Is inspired or outraged by things it sees in the world.

Along the way, it forgets it’s a speck. More importantly, it forgets that everyone else is, too. Forgiveness is about remembering.

Remembering that every single person is the world is just one of those specks. And they, like you, are just trying to figure this whole thing out. Obviously, a lot of people are wrong. Especially if they hurt others. But they’re just specks, too. No matter who they are or what they’ve done, they’re doing what’s best based on what that speck has seen. And heard. And thought. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we have to be OK with that. But it asked us to see them for what they are: scared voices in the darkness.

Even if they’ve hurt you or done something grave or heinous, they’ve done it for one simple reason: They, like you, are a fragile, flawed human being, a singular speck trapped by the limits of its own perceptions.

Repentance follows. When you close your eyes, and see nothing but the void, what have you done? When you’ve felt most righteous, or most justified, were you really doing what’s right? Or was a confused speck lashing out at the world? Repentance means going beyond the obvious sins and mistake and really considering how you’ve treated the other specks of the world.

If you can do that tomorrow, whether you’re religious or even believe in any of this stuff, I think you’ll have a pretty good year.

24.1: Names - Chapter 13


Y-Love is an international rap star who seamlessly blends Judaism, Hebrew, English, and Aramaic into his music. So he was the perfect person to help OMGWTFBIBLE host David Tuchman come up with creative new ways to read Parshat Va’era, the second portion in Exodus.

In this first part of the reading, Y-Love dropped some serious knowledge about how Facebook’s been penalizing people not using their legal names on their profiles (which they kinda-sorta fixed today) and about the Hebrew word “Vayikach”. Check it out!

Note: Y-Love sang at the live show. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to record his music well enough to share it online, so it’s been edited out of the podcast. All the more reason to come to the live show if you live in New York. You never know what you’ll miss!

Get more at www.omgwtfbible.com, www.twitter.com/omgwtfbible, and www.facebook.com/omgbible


A new OMGWTFBIBLE now available!

Torah Values vs. “LGBT” Agenda

Episode 23 guest Zac Mordechai Levovitz has flagged an anonymous article in The Jewish Press that says some pretty troubling stuff about homosexuality in the Jewish world. It speaks out against a rabbi meeting with an LGBT group on Yom Kippur, disparages Mordechai and his organization JQY, and seems to support JONAH, a conversion therapy group.

If you’re not OK with some anonymous dude publicly denouncing LBGT Jews the day before the day of repentance, Mordechai is asking you please let the Jewish Press know.

CC:
Editor@JewishPress.com
arthurklass@jewishpress.com,
Jgreenwald@jewishpress.com,
chumi@jewishpress.com,
heshy@jewishpress.com

@queerjewconfessions

Episode 25 Live!

THERE IS STILL MORE EXODUS COMING!

I am kicking off Exodus Part 3 (aka “Bo”) on October 27th with Special Guest Rish Groner. It’s going to be grand and/or great! DO NOT BRING YOUR FIRSTBORN CHILDREN TO THIS EVENT! Check out the Facebook event here!

OMGWTFBIBLE Live / Rishe Groner
Beauty Bar
231 E. 14th Street
October 27th; 8:00 PM
FREE!
21+
FREE FOOD

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Anonymous asked: I tried to go to your most recent reading and couldn't because I am not 21. Can you do the next one at s place that I could get into? I'd bring a few of my friends!!!

I just saw this! I apologize for not responding earlier! I’d love to make it possible for you to get in, but I’m unfortunately limited in my choices when it comes to venue. I’ll be sure to talk to the venue and see if there’s a way to make an exception!

Thank you for your support regardless! Hopefully, one day OMGWTFBIBLE will be somewhere everyone can go.

23.4: Names - Chapters 11-12


In the latest episode of OMGWTFBIBLE, host David Tuchman and guest Mordechai Levovitz of Jewish Queer Youth reach the end of Parshat Shmot and try to draw a lesson from it all. For David, this chapter is the start of the Bible describing something bigger than that one little family God anointed as his favorites. But what does Mordechai learn? Listen below to find out!

Get more at www.omgwtfbible.com.


A new OMGWTFBIBLE now available!

kosherqueer:

zombunist:

kosherqueer:

Judaism is not about limits and constraints

it’s about being your self and having a great time

Judaism is about being gay and loving God

Judaism is about desert wizards talking to fire and throwing blood at people

(via kosherqueer)